Hey friends,

I am back in Michigan as some of you know I went to North Carolina again. I was running, I knew it on some levels. I had convinced myself that I wasn't but I felt like I had lost all that I had gained. I couldn't face another holiday hiding from my family and all the emotions.

In North Carolina I found a shelter to stay in right away I asked God to help me figure it out. I went to the Union Baptist Church, which was the shelters benifactor. I went to bible study as well. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at any time in the blog, but I was raised a Catholic. Front pew every sunday but angry, resentful and stuck. I believed in God but couldn't understand why if he loved me I was without my mom, why I was getting beat at home every night, why my stepmother hated me.... I also could see that the beauty in the world that I see so readily, sunsets, mountain tops, the birds singing, spring flowers, my children....had to come from an awesome God. I like to believe that even though I have sinned that I could go to heaven, but I heard the negative self talk that crippling inner voice repeating that I would never amount to anything...and the eucharist plea " Lord, I am not worthy to recieve you, only say the word and I will be healed."

What happenend this time, is nothing short of unbelievable? I'm still having a hard time putting a handle on all of it. I kept going back to the scripture put the armor on and walk with the lord. It didn't make much sense to me at the time, I also had the house manager telling me when I needed it to be quiet and I would hear what he had to say. I am one of those people who has a hard time shutting down thier brains. I'm always thinking about things, how I can make them better, how I could do something, ....but I started telling myself to be quiet especially at night, I was having a hard time sleeping I would wake up with hot flashes (yes I am menopausal lol) But sometimes I would just wake and not know why I was sitting there unable to go back to sleep. Then we had a benifit for funding for the shelter and one of the ladies from the house testified as to what God is doing in her life, she mentioned that she also had trouble being quiet. She is fighting alcoholism and drug addiction, but feels confidant that she can beat it with God's help. I was jealous, that she had found something or someone to count on so furvently. I was introduced to the scripture God is not jealous or boastful....

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

There's more and I'll be back Love shell