Recovery Within

I titled this segment recovery within because these episodes of extreme stress is ultimately inside the recovery from the PTSD. I've come a long way from my diagnosis in 2001. I've had several people suggest that I should put on my airmask like that of the jet going down in flames. I did that already when I went to the therapist. I've actually been wearing the mask since I checked myself into a psych unit back in 96 it was there that I learned I was stronger than this disorder. I have learned my limits and continue to test myself against them.. someday I hope to be able to stay ahead of the crash. Until then I'm not afraid to look for help. My psych suggested benedryl to help me sleep, rather than going to the "big guns" (medication) I haven't yet resorted to that. My body made me sleep the other day for around 17 hours. When I woke up at 5 in the afternoon I felt nautious and had extreme pain in my lower back, I slept crooked since I was so tired I probably layed the same way for a long time. So I layed on the floor and called my son with the two way radio he gave me. He told me that he will be undergoing surgery on his back and that the neuro is trying to help him get disibility. I have no idea if he is telling the truth or not. I hate that I doubt him, but will be there if in fact he does have surgery.
The kids have moved to another drama situation but I'm trusting God to look out for them. Still wearing the mask still getting a little air, still waiting for the plane to right itself. One day at a time.