Spirituality

I was raised a Catholic, we went to church every Sunday as children. The problems I had in the Catholic Church started when my mother died... My question back then was " How could an all knowing all loving God take my mother from me?" I even went as far as to ask my catechism instructor where the dinosaurs fit in. I was trying to refute my confusion. I hated God and couldn't understand how I loved him at the same time. Instinctively I knew there had to be a greater power, in order for the world to be such a beautiful place and it truly is. I do believe in God, but I also fear him. I fear him in an unhealthy way, just as my normal thinking patterns are skewed so is my religion. My fathers discipline style presented the irrational fear, and just as I love my father unconditionally I love my father in heaven. I think my use of the Lakota cards is allowing me to gain a better perspective. I need to focus on God and what he has done for me, so when I decide what it is I need to ask for; I can do so, without this irrational fear. I need to accept that I am a beautiful person inside and out, and that he hasn't judged me yet. The fear of him having already judged me is part of the irrational me. That doesn't happen until this Journey is over. Yesterday I met 2 young ladies about my daughters age, they saw me struggling with my suitcases and offered to help me. I knew that God put them there yesterday, one because I needed the help, and two because they needed to meet me, for what I don't know. The people I have met along this Journey have all had things to say to me and I am trying to listen to each, and continue to look for a deeper meaning. Something that I may have missed, or need to hear. I know God is here with me, and carries me when I'm tired. I can feel all of your prayers and I appreciate all of them. Until next time....