Anger

pg. 39 Pattern Changing for Abused Women: An Educational Program
by Marilyn Shear Goodman

Understanding Anger
Definition

"Anger is one of the most difficult feelings for abused women to confront in themselves and, understandably in others. Merriam websters dictionary defines anger as "a strong feeling of displeasure and (usually) of antagonism" Synonyms are rage, fury, indignation, and wrath. The feeling of anger is as natural as that of being thirsty. Animals become angry when their territory is invaded. They become angry when their young, their herd, or they themselves are threatened. We humans become angry for the same natural reasons; it signals us that psychological or physical boundaries are being crossed against our wishes; our children, family, community, or selves are threatened with harm; needs are not met for human dignity, respect of rights, or justice; or we have become aware for the first time that any or all of the above have occurred in the past."

I took the pattern changing class with fellow ladies who have dealt with abuse in many forms. I have yet to figure out how to be angry in a healthy way. I hold my anger afraid to confront people or situations. Although I have used anger in the past to give myself enough strength to protect my children. When I got angry I got moving, I documented abusive situations and went to court armed with enough information to let my attorney win the argument. I am not even sure when the last time was I was angry, I don't recognize the anger. I mean I get upset sometimes but rather than confront an issue I will hold it in. Then when something happens and I am unable to retreat, I may say things that have no bearing on the real situation; but is more than likely something that happened five, ten, fifteen years ago. It's confusing and frustrating. I then use the confusion and anger to beat myself with, I am my own worst abuser.