PTSD Plea?

Friday, May 14, 2004
A Journey to self, PTSD recovery
http://shellssea.blogspot.com
Michelle Hazard

To Whom it may concern,


If your reading this then you have already accessed my site. Due, in part to my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I began this chronicle. To chronicle my Journey, one I took very seriously. I raised two children on welfare. The statistics are, that as a single parent my children should have criminal records, be on the street doing drugs and/ or hurting other people. Neither of my kids fell into the stigmas given them by my status. The welfare system is an all or nothing system. Several times in the 23 years it took me to raise the kids I went to ask for help only when I didn’t have any other option. Shortly after selling everything but the keepsakes, that I had diligently saved for my kids.

I was self employed, no health insurance, rented a house had a car and for the first time in my life I was paying the bills I owed (except the student loans) on 200 hundred dollars a week. After being threatened with gauranteement from a waitress position. One half of all that I made. I worked for a Holiday Inn as a server. The women who were employed there were out to make their own living, as a new comer I was given the smoking section or one large table while the rest of the section and of course the money went to those who had worked the longest. I didn’t make much so when threatened I did the only thing I could think of I quit.
I could n’t afford to lose half of my income anymore than someone who made 300,000 a year.
So I became a sub contractor. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to not pay the Social Security Taxes that would normally come directly from my employer, but ignorance is no excuse. When I became disabled in 2001, I was healthy other than being overweight but I had re-lost over 100 lbs in the years following my hospitalization in 1996. I had coached and played softball the previous summer with a co-ed group. The sudden onset of excruciating pain in my lower back sent me to the doctor, since I didn’t regularly see a physician I had to apply for medicaid. The physicians list provided 5 to 7 local doctors 90% of which were no longer excepting new clients. Which hasn’t changed since 2001; but, I found if I went to the emergency room they would assign me a follow up doctor and that was the way I could “ pick your doctor”.
I’ve been told by several people I shouldn’t expect the doctors to care about me. They are overworked. As they can only allow 15 minutes time to “visit” with a patient. There is no way on God’s green earth that a doctor can read the paperwork you have to fill out. The only thing he is going to be concerned about is what is happening today. By the time I spill out what has happened in the 3 years since that spring of 2001 my time is over. None of my suggestion as to what to do about my care is covered under medicaid. I need aqua aerobics. I need to know what stage of menopause I am in. I need total knee replacements, with my weight as it is I’ll never walk again. I asked about the possibility of a gastric bypass which my new orthopedic physician suggested. His reply? It isn’t a covered benefit. I have done the seesaw weight loss and weight gain+ for years and have a pear shape. My mother died of an extremely fast type of Breast Cancer, at age 34. My sister has Non Hodgkin Lymphoma. Both sides of my family have heart disease in their histories as well as stroke and high blood pressure. My blood pressure has maintained a healthy range throughout the past three years. I had about a three year struggle with gingivitis and huge abscesses which only ended after having my teeth pulled in 2002. I had an ovarian cyst implode during an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) sending the fluid back into my uterus. I had orthoscopic surgery done on my left knee in May along with a second D and C for the regulation of my cycle (always irregular). Then one month later I had the same surgery done on my right knee. I pushed myself to get moving again and to repair the damage to the knees. They removed bone spurs which were tearing the ligaments.

The lower back pain which has been there since this began, although less intense as when it started remains. The only diagnosis is overweight or obesity.
My question is simply this:

Should I agree with the diagnosis of totally and permanently disabled, or can an allowance be made to review my case with a representative of the Medicaid system, so I can follow my
Dream of being self sufficient?


Saturday February 15

Response:


No you shouldn't consider yourself permanently disabled. But instead of looking for what the doctor can do for me let's see what you can do for yourself!

Look up information on eating disorders you have one.
storms
mirrors
abuse- as seen on TV, w/ flashbacks being beaten for eating chocolate chip cookies, I ate more cookies everyday to make up for the beatings I didn't deserve.
when sad
when nervous
when scared
when bored
when lonely
Which would make a gastric bypass moot. Very dangerous combination.

I eat stress creating a physical effect. Cause and effect.

Ok so now what?