Fathers Day

Tomorrow I am leaving Kansas on a Journey back to Michigan, I am feeling very melancholy. I do not want to go back to Michigan I don't feel like I should be going there yet. Where I should be is the golden question. Yesterday was Fathers Day my son called to wish me a Happy Fathers Day I was his Father and Mother as he grew up. His genetic Father as I explained earlier was an alcoholic and didn't want to be a part of his life until he was dying of cancer. I had to be both roles a father and mother to my kids, I can't even pretend to think I possibly filled the shoes of the male role. I preferred the physical rigors of outdoor work and instilled those values in my son. My past abuse issues made it so the discipline was the hardest part for me, I abhor violence of any kind. You know that old saying "Boys will be boys" some people told me I would make a woos out of my son by not allowing him to kick the crap out of people who angered him. Of course when I wasn't around he got into fisticuffs with school mates but I would always tell him to look for a better solution. Physical violence never solves anything. He helped his sister when she was about 12 years old prepare for a fight. It seems as there was a bully girl at school and she just wouldn't leave my daughter alone, knowing how I felt she didn't come to me about it but went to her brother for advice. Since the kids were normal they had done their fair share of scrapping as they grew, and her big brother knew her weaknesses. After the fight was over my daughter found that the fight did not solve anything, but she garnered support with her peers and the girl was no longer a threat she didn't look as tough anymore persay.
It was that year that they realized that I wasn't so far off about the issue and when Fathers Day came around they gave me a card and said Happy Fathers Day. When I called my father yesterday he was too busy to talk to me, he had to glue a chair? I so wish I had a relationship with a man that was healthy, someone to share those moments in my children's life when only a male perspective seems to fit. Oh well, Happy Fathers Day, Dad.