Lap 1

In a couple days I am going to complete a lap around the USA, Having traveled for four months in chronic pain has been a challenge and some say I am courageous. I don't feel courageous, and I feel just as lost as when I set out in February. I have no home, I have no monetary assets, and really no future. I'll eek out a future but it's so hard to plan for the future when you can't let go of the past. Every time I think I have made progress something else comes in to recreate the victim. I have been the victim for so long, I want to stop the cycle but I'm just not sure how.
I feel like I should isolate myself from the world sometimes so that I can't create more pain for myself. I create my crisis, I make myself the victim. They say that accepting responsibility for your own actions is a good first step, so whats the second step? Change the thought pattern, accept that things are not as they seem, and the perception of the responsibility you hold may be skewed. Even if I isolated myself from the world I would still create chaos. Dang, I hate this disorder!
Anyway I'll be back in Michigan for the summer to see my kids and become a Grandma so til next time....Peace