PTSD all mixed up

Hi Friend,
I've been here a month and have discovered a lot about myself which is cool but, I was supposed to live by myself for a while. It hasn't worked out that way actually it is border line chaos. I was staying with my friends Aunt, my friend had an arguement with her mother whom she lived with. So they are staying with the aunt as well. I love having the kids around 3 of them all under the age of 4, and all boys. They say the funniest things!
The problem is, not only am I never alone, in a small 2 bedroom house. I am sleeping on a couch. I was asked to make other arrangements for a place to stay as blood is thicker than water, which I totally understand.
So, I came in to post something that has been on my mind. It would seem that what you read here is all there is going on. Not so, the thoughts race through my head all the waking hours. It's hard to catch all the negative thing's I hurl at myself. When my friends Aunt asked me to find another arrangement, I started to think about what I could have possibly done to make her mad enough to throw me out. Previously I wouldn't ask what that was, just beat myself to death with negatives. I changed the pattern I asked if I had done something to make her angry. It took me several hours to get to that point but I'm glad I did. She isn't angry with me, I didn't do anything wrong, but she said " I think you would be better off living alone or out of the chaos anyway."
" But I can't ask my niece to leave. "
Immediatly the next round of negatives came in, what am I going to do? I can't afford to live on my own, unless I can get a subsidized apartment. I can't get a subsidized apartment because of my credit history. The student loan. Credit cards.
Utility companies...Etc. It (PTSD) is a vicious cycle. Even though I am identifying when my inner voice is negative. It seems as though there is always something else, that brings the negative back in. Very frustrating.