Sidetracked By Storm

The fear factor was high the last two days I ate snack foods at an alarming rate. I have a fear of thunderstorms and we've had two days of them. When I was young, the lightening mesmerized me and the thunder scared me. I would gasp or scream when the thunder would shake the windows. Counting the seconds from the lightening strikes to the thunder did not help it just made me more afraid when it was close. During a particularly loud storm was passing my father had had enough of my nonsense and took me outside when I wouldn't stop screaming. He gave me several chances to stop I just could not control my angst. Well in the yard the storm seemed even more fierce and he yelled at me and told me I could come back in when I could control myself. Well I stayed outside in a crumpled heep screaming into the earth. I don't remember him taking me back inside only that I didn't go in myself. I never screamed again when storms went through you could find me buried in my bed. As a young adult, I was driving for Metro Transit the year was 1980 three to five tornadoes ripped through the city. I was in the middle of that storm as I had just gotten off my shift, It came in fast and furious and left just as quickly. As a city employee I was required to act like a member of the National Guard. I returned to work and was told to go downtown, I helped to dig out behind the JC Penney building where the whole side of the building had collapsed upon an elevated cross walk leading to a parking garage. There were 5 people buried alive in there. When we found the first lady and pulled her out she was smashed beyond human recognition. I lost my cookies and was asked to go to the Hilton a large conventions center in mid town. Where I had to take glass out of peoples hair and send them to emergency personel if it was something serious. It was an extremely long day and weeks to follow and my fear of storms turned into an emotional battle field. When I hear news broadcasts of storms or sirens I get a sick feeling and my heart races, and I have difficulty swallowing and feel like I am going to choke. (part of the reason I don't watch TV) After the storm arrives and is raging outside I eat, not because I am hungry I'm not sure why...but what I do know is I need to ask for an anti anxiety med for just those times. I can't escape all the storms and I can't gorge myself when they come.